Debbie just did a job interview with one of her favorite companies, and now she is anxiously waiting for them to call her back. The waiting is so painful that she feels paralyzed in the anxiety and panic. She can't eat, can't sleep, and withdraws herself from all social activities.
"It's over." She thought, "usually they call people back within three days, and now it is the 4th day! I am doomed. I am never gonna make it on my own. All my friends are moving forward except me. I am such a loser!"
What Debbie’s experiencing is what we called the scarcity mindset. It is a mindset that makes us automatically focus on or cling on what we are lacking at the moment.
5 signs that You are in the scarcity mindset:
You think the situation is permanent. Like Debbie, you "know" you are lacking something forever.
You talk negatively to yourself. The self-talks in your mind are mean and pessimistic.
You constantly compare yourself with others. You cannot help but feel envious towards others, while at the same time, feel bad about yourself.
You limit your own potential. Though there is not enough of anything, you are not willing to look beyond your comfort zones to find more opportunities.
You don't like sharing with others, since you never feel like having enough.
How does the scarcity mindset trap us?
Like what happens to Debbie, the scarcity mindset can lead us to excessive worry, intense anxiety, and a panicking mental state. We are much easier to make irrational decisions, hurt ourselves or other people, miss the target of our goals, and withdraw from supportive friends and family when in this state of mind.
Princeton University psychology and public affairs professor Eldar Shafir, PhD, talked about how people's minds are less efficient when they are in the scarcity mindset---when they are feeling lacking something, whether it is money, time, a job, or a relationship.
Shafir explains that everyone has only a certain amount of "mental bandwidth", which is our brainpower and cognitive space. The scarcity mindset occupies the mental bandwidth with preoccupations and cognitive deficits, leaving us very limited mental bandwidth to make important decisions and changes in our life.
Why are we trapped in the scarcity mindset?
From the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) model’s perspective, the scarcity mindset is a typical presentation of the cognitive distortions.
Cognitive distortions are ways that our mind convinces us to believe in something that is not true. The thoughts may sound rational and accurate in our head, but they are, in fact, not the reality; they are the representation of our negative outlook on reality, which are called negative core beliefs in the CBT model.
Typical cognitive distortions are:
Polarized Thinking (or "Black and White" Thinking). "I am either a have-it-all successful career woman, or I am a total loser."
Overgeneralization. "If I don't get this job, then I am a lousy worker, and I should stop looking for other jobs."
Jumping to Conclusions. "He doesn’t text me back until an hour later, which means he is not that into me, which further means this relationship is going nowhere, I am all alone again. "
Emotional reasoning. "If I feel this way, it must be true."
Catastrophizing. "What if it happens to me? What if the tragedy strikes?"
Filtering. "I have a supportive family, but I don’t have enough savings in the bank and I don’t have a nice big house and a fancy job. I still won’t be happy."
How can we escape the scarcity mindset Trap?
It is important to know that not everything we think is true, and we don't have to always believe our thoughts. It seems scary right now, but we never know what may happen in the next day. Just like what Forrest Gump said, “life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.” All we need to do is to open our eyes and heart to welcome the new opportunities and changes that life brings to us.
Gently challenge our scarcity thoughts can bring some clarity into our minds. For example, Debbie can talk to herself, "Okay, I know I am feeling like a loser at this point, but is it the truth? Even if I don't get this job, is it the end of the world? Will it be new opportunities in the future? After all, I haven't heard back from the company, is there any possibility that I may still get the offer?"
We also need to cut ourselves some slack from time to time. It is okay if we are not doing an ideal job at this moment. It is okay if we don't have a dreamy big house at the age of 30. It is okay if we are still looking for "the one" after many breakups. Just like the founder of Mindful Self Compassion, Dr. Kristen Neff said, "Our successes and failures come and go—they neither define us nor do they determine our worthiness." Give ourselves some more forgiveness and patience, so we can grow with loving-kindness.
Last but not least, cultivating gratitude in life is always important. Sometimes, with the scarcity mindset, it is difficult for us to find things that we’re thankful for. However, finding time to practice gratitude in small ways everyday enables us to get out of the scarcity trap, and to embrace more possibilities ahead.
At this moment, I invite you to slow your life down with me, and to think of five things that you are thankful, right here, right now.
This is my answer: I am grateful for my healthy body, my supportive family, my well functioning brain, my calming office space and my connection to the readers through writing.
Doing this exercise regularly can remind us how much we already have in life, and how little we really need to live a fulfilled, abundant life.
Reference:
*Mullainathan, S., & Shafir, E. (2013). Scarcity: Why having too little means so much. New York, NY: Times Books.
Dora Dui Chen, LCSW, Anxiety & Trauma Therapist
Dora is a bilingual/bi-cultural (Mandarin Chinese) psychotherapist offering therapy services to individuals and families in California. She specializes in supporting clients manage life stress and worry, heal emotional wounds, and find their true selves. Learn more about Dora’s services here.